 So Saturday was a shitty day, realising the realities of cancer. After a good cry Saturday night, waking up Sunday to face a 10km cancer research run was the last thing I wanted to do. However, bailing from this run wasn't an option. I did it two years ago with hair, I did it last year with no hair, so i was sodding going to complete it with my curls this year! Ant again came up with me to make sure I was sensible..... haha! So I completed it, and I felt awesome after it too!! Completely different to last year when I had to dope myself up on stacks of Morphine before during and after! I still relied on a lot of painkillers, but no where near as hard as it was last year! The pain I did feel was in my hip sockets, another area they're looking deeper at through MRI's next week, as Osteonecrosis can be caused through steroid use. This a lack of blood flow to the bone, causing the bone to die basically! There's two outcomes if it is what's causing my pain, either drilling holes into the head of my femur to allow channels for blood flow, or total hip replacement. I'm hoping for neither!! So yea, I completed the run, felt great after (minus the hip pain causing me to walk like a 100yr old arthritic lady who's been stuck on a horse for like a week!) and entered more runs 😂 two half marathons in march, leading into the marathon at the end of April! I've still got the stubborn side to me 😝 Side effects to the hormone treatments are still taking their toll.... having a hot flush during a spin class I can honestly say is not the most ideal timing in the world!! And sleep patterns where do I start?! Insomnia most nights, Maximum about 2.5hrs kip every night at the minute! And then some days where I can't even stay awake in the car! Finally things seem to be coming together! I'm back running shit loads of classes (not sure my body completely agrees that's a good thing!), and I've got someone who doesn't give a dam about the effects the cancer has had on me already or may have in the future. Something I never thought would happen! A scarred, battered, emotionally & psychologically ruined girl with countless medical issues to now contend with, probable child-less future, can actually be happy! Plus .... I feel like it's Christmas every time I get my prescription.... what goodies shall I take today 😂 hey at least I'm still making the most of my exemption cert!! So this week, I'm back to have my Herceptin today, the stinging bitch of a mo-fo 😭 then the bone strengthening will start as of next week (I think!) XXX 
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So today marked World Cancer Day.... a day that'll always be precious to me, not only a day to unite and fight cancer together but also a day where a close friend of mine sadly has lost his fight. Julian was fighting a rare type of cancer Ewing’s Sarcoma, for the past two years. Unfortunately an incurable type of bone cancer. We met at a meet up organised by Trekstock, a young persons cancer charity, last year, and hit it off straight away. We spent many a night messaging (whilst steroid insomnia kicked in!) about all sorts, mainly banter about rugby and his shit team choice, about treatment, about relationships, literally all sorts! Over the year I've had the honour of knowing this inspirational guy, he became a really good friend, someone who just understood, didn't ask stupid questions, didn't just talk Cancer the entire time, and we could openly laugh at/with one another regard side effects, long term effects etc without a care! His blog www.fightback2fitness.com is well worth a read. Honest, factual and inspirational. His cancer had spread from the bones to the liver and lungs, and overall it was a very bleak outlook. Looking and talking to Jules, you would never have guessed. Constantly positive, constantly seeing the best in life. Even though he knew his days were numbered. How?! He was just an incredible human being, and one of the kindest most caring people I've met. Jules started a drugs trial before Christmas with the hope it would prolong his life, sadly it wasn't to be. Following two weeks in a hospice, sadly he lost his fight today, world cancer day and the start to the six nations (More his style!) of all days. It's days like today, where suddenly every panic feeling, worry and dread come streaming back, and every glimmer of hope for a fear-free future completely fade. Cancer is simply, shit. Rest In Peace Jules, a total inspiration xxx  |
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February 2017
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