Pinktober

Pinktober is here..... Breast Cancer Awareness month! Now to see how many pink heart emails I receive , or lets share a status to say we're raising awareness..... why not just actually educate yourself and others with the signs and symptoms. Rant over!


Two weekends ago I carried on the running bug and ran Disney Half..... most amazing run!! I love Disney, and Minnie Mouse!! And forever will. Next year all three races, 5k,10k & half all together!! So excited already!


So as pinktober returns for another year, my two year anniversary of diagnosis looms, and it is going to be one hell of a long month waiting for scans, tests and results. The feelings are indescribable, heart sinking, and I've not even had the scans and tests yet. But the smile goes back and we shall ignore them until later on in the month. Focus comes to planning a night out to get a little merry on the day!!


This month also sees the return of my injections.... the ghastly huge mighty giant bore hole needles that go straight into my chemo belly! And today, I can honestly say, I haven't missed that feeling!! I'm up st Mary's next week, and then I'm up there for my canullas and Bone treatments the following week, along with my scans and tests. More needles to look forward too!!


The thing that's got to me this time with my injection today, is; this is the drug that's forced me into medical menopause, robbing me of my natural chances to have a family, robbing me of another part of my femininity, and just an all round bullshit drug. Struggled the last few weeks with several gym babies and friends' babies being born over the last couple of months. I started off happy to cuddle bubbas, then I just couldn't, couldn't bring myself to want something so bad. It's difficult to explain to people not in the same shoes. Don't get me wrong I'm super super excited for all of them, they're awesome people and fully deserve everything. Just a tad jealous, guilty, shitty feeling that I'm not gonna experience that. I may currently have a belly which resembles a pregnancy bump, but it sure as hell just steroid bloat and injection swelling, and not a baby!! Plus obviously you need a man for one of them!! But no I'm all seriousness, it's heartbreaking, sitting discussing babies, labour, pregnancy, knowing it's not going to happen. Very slim chance IVF may work in a few years time, but my body has failed me completely. Another shit part of the last two years. Thanks Cancer.


So today my stomach area has officially swollen to the point my 'fat day' jeans aren't even doing up. Hopefully it'll go down within a few days, and then the fun hot flushes become even more apparent!! Got to love the menopause!! Yet of course..... I look fine, so obviously I'm fine!!! People grrrrr!!


Right so pinktober..... get knowing the signs and symptoms..... boys and girls!! Any age! I was 26.... yes young but still was an aggressive stage three cancer. No risk factors, no family history, nothing. Just a massive hormone imbalance. Look at what you eat, look at what you use like deodorants etc, and look at the drugs you're given like the contraceptive pill..... high risks, totally not worth it!! And I personally never want to see anyone I care about go through the last two years I have. And the future years I'm yet to 'look forward too'! So please get to know your bits!!! Xxx