When life takes over

So it's been a good few months since I've written any blogs, life took over, work took over and I finally wanted to forget the last two years even began. However, a lot has gone on in the last few months, so a quick catch up!


London marathon..... by far the most painful experience mentally, emotionally and physically that I have ever and hopefully will ever do. It was horrific.... and pretty dam awesome at the same time! Massively slow, but who fudging cares!!!! I got the bling and the sense of pride crossing that line for myself, Alex, Jules and all my other friends who've fought this bastard. There were tears, happy tears, sad tears, wtf am I doing tears.... but with the incredible support of everyone who came up and supported me on the day I made it to the end. Let's be honest I'm that stubborn that I was going to do it somehow!! Vouched never to do it again..... 30mins later I'm signed up....... ooops!!!


So I've carried on running, doing various 5kms, 10kms and 25kms/half marathons! Another horribly painful exhausting on was the Duval 25k out in Belgium..... 33 degrees heat.... need I say any more!! I did the Race for Life 10 and the Pretty Muddy too.... then my toes decided to continue giving me jip, so I opted for the surgical route.


Another thing people don't see is through chemo, your nails get affected by uv light so you end up having to wear dark nail varnish in order to try and save your nails from coming off, this never worked for both my big toes, so unfortunately had to have surgery at the start of august to remove part of the nail and slice open the side of the toe.... gross I hear you think, and gross it was!! Toe needles are simply the worst imaginable needles!! Base of your toe to the end of your toe! I returned to work in flip flops for a couple of weeks before I returned in trainers..... only a few weeks early this time!! But touch wood so far they're looking far better!


Sadly another beautiful individual lost her fight this summer. Charlotte was an incredible girl took everything in her stride, always smiling, and looked beautiful on her wedding day at the hospice despite her feeding tube and chemo line in situ. Her funeral the tears did not stop flowing.its hard to explain what it feels like when you lose someone who's been through similar to what you have. You start questioning why, why me, why them, why, and when is it going to happen to me. Morbid but true. And painful.


Yet again I let someone knock my walls down just to end up hurt again and putting higher walks back up! But I will eventually learn..... crazy cat ladies are cool!!! But for now it's just a question of putting a smile on my face & continuing with work and making a life without many of the friends from pre cancer times, and making the most of those who've stood by me throughout everything, ignoring all the mental demons.


I took part as a Survivor in the Relay for Life, that's one t shirt I never thought I'd need to wear! Emotional. That's all I can say. Walking the route with a candle lit vigil in the middle, looking up at the stars remembering everyone who's touched my heart. Yet more tears, and more emotions sneaked out. One day there will be a cure and one day no one will die of cancer. I hope. Xxx